Our Third Job as a Domestic Couple: A Formal Estate in Buckinghamshire

While working as a domestic couple in Mayfair, London, we became aware that a major refurbishment of the property was imminent. Knowing this would bring significant changes, we decided to begin looking for our next position. We found it through Andrea at Town & Country Staff, a well-known domestic staffing agency in the UK. The job was with another titled gentleman who owned a Grade II* listed estate in Buckinghamshire.

The interview process was memorable. It took place at The Lansdowne Club in Mayfair, near Berkeley Square. It was my first time in a private club, and I inadvertently broke the rules by taking off my jacket in the cigar lounge—a staff member was quick to correct me! As it turned out, the employer’s secretary lived across the street from us, which gave us an unexpected connection.

Our second meeting was at the estate itself, where we were introduced to the head butler. He drove us past a picturesque, spacious cottage and casually mentioned, “That’s the house you’ll have.” It looked lovely, and the fact that it was off-site was appealing. During the interview, we learned the employer knew Sir Robert Worcester from our first domestic position, and he was impressed by the references we’d received.

The estate was stunning, but much more formal than any property we had worked at before. The staff all wore uniforms and the expectations were clear. If we were successful, I would become the under butler and Kirsten would be the cook/housekeeper. We were told that the cottage wasn't ready to be seen yet, but we were assured it was beautiful. Feeling confident about the opportunity, we made the tough choice to quit our Mayfair job.

When we arrived at the Buckinghamshire estate, things quickly took an unexpected turn. Instead of moving into the cottage, we were told to unpack in the upstairs wing of the main house, near where the principals lived. This was not what we had agreed upon. Feeling misled but reassured that it was only temporary until we moved into a refurbished wing, we reluctantly settled in. Still, the lack of privacy left us questioning if we had made the right decision.

Despite these initial disappointments, the job itself had its moments. Kirsten’s cooking was a hit, and we both enjoyed caring for the family’s two Labradors—a surprising trend, as three of the four estates we’ve worked at had two Labradors. The estate’s National Trust designation added an interesting dynamic, as we occasionally collaborated with volunteers and participated in open house days.

The staff at the estate were wonderful, with a great sense of humor and camaraderie. After long shifts, we would gather downstairs and share stories, often laughing until we were in tears. The old butler, who still lived on-site with his lovely wife, was a character, regularly coming in to arrange flowers for the house. These moments of levity made the work more enjoyable.

The employers, however, were far less easygoing. There was a clear “upstairs-downstairs” dynamic, reminiscent of Downton Abbey. The principals used the estate mainly as a weekend residence, arriving on Fridays and leaving on Mondays, so we worked weekends and had two days off midweek. During our days off, we’d escape to Milton Keynes for a movie or a meal.

One of the greatest challenges was living in the main house without a private entrance, which made it awkward when National Trust guests wandered through. The lack of privacy began to take its toll. Adding to the formality, I had to wear a suit and white gloves for every meal service, and my wine knowledge grew quickly thanks to the estate’s two massive wine cellars.

The breaking point came during several short-notice assignments to their London residence. On one occasion, we were asked to travel to London with only a few hours’ notice to assist with a dinner. Flexible as ever, we agreed, but upon arrival, we were shown to a small, dark staff room. To our surprise, we were expected to share the room and alternate sleeping shifts with the live-in butler. While we had no issues with him personally—he kept the space clean, and we had our own bedding—this arrangement felt completely inappropriate and unprofessional.

The combination of misrepresentation during the hiring process, lack of privacy, and increasingly unreasonable demands led us to resign.